tikal

i need to rewind and relearn how to sense without tension. i wandered the jungle today with a head heavy with a cold that is creeping in deep under the eyes and with a gut that still rumbles. still don't know if i should feed it or let in run dry. i arrived this morning at 6.30 and roamed alone amongst temples whose bases are hidden by jungle growth, yet whose rising white peaks let us know that there are treasures underneath. i liked seeing entire trees sprouting out of the side of a hill which is really a pyramid hidden more than a thousand years ago by moss and then leaves and then saplings and then bushes and then trees whose gnarled roots have little soil to root down in, so they ooze down the steep slope. monkeys, with the roar of a lion, accompanied me on my walks and birds conversed in languages still not deciphered. unlike the over 85% of the mayan hieroglyphs that have been deciphered. i like to eavesdrop on the guides that other people have contracted.

i climbed several temples and just sat on top of these human made mountains that were constructed to communicate with the gods. the land around is relatively flat, so they had to build their own mountains to ascend. there is nothing like siting on top of an ancient pile of rocks, above the jungle tree line, seeing the horizon stretch and stretch and stretch until green meets blue. no wonder they thought they were the center of the universe. everything seemed to center around that one point, sticking up above the rain forest canopy. and yet when i climbed the next temple up above the trees, i thought, no this is the center of the universe where the four cardinal directions begin. and that is why there are wars. and yet, that is why there should be peace.

i saw the towering ceiba tree with epyfites prickling out of its high branches. i touched the sticky resin of the copal tree and reminded myself to acquire some incense on my next stop....which is coban...six hours to the south, high in the mountains. a bigger city where i can also purchase sewing supplies and look for books for the students, i hope.

as i walked and let my shoulders drop and my chest rise, i knew the air and vibrations of the place were consoling me. i thought six days of walking in this would do me good, but now is not the time. i am tired and need some time to just wake up when i want to wake up and not be led by another man's hiking schedule. i also have some pressing issues to deal with via internet that would not be possible to confront in the middle of a jungle hike. i feel the need to be responsible to other issues of my life. and i want some nights to be lost in slow motion.

sometimes it is difficult to sense the liberation of the open road. sometimes, all i want to do is go home at the end of the day and nestle amongst my plants with a cup of green tea and incense dancing around the tunes of mercedes sosa. is my soul made for flying? maybe i am just in the initial shock as i transition from mass communal living to solo traveling. i laugh knowing that in two weeks when i am back in the orphanage i will be fantasising about this solo trail.